Battling Anorexia Nervosa

Having being suffered from clinical depression that later turned into chronic depression. I have struggled for 6 years now. Depression was an extremely haunting dark tunnel, and eating disorder was an added red giant Monster into it.  It was August 2021, and I had lost someone I had adored quite a lot, which resulted in frightful days and nights. Waking up with fright became a routine.  Performing tasks and merely existing felt like an act put on for other humans. I was waiting for it to end. Not so long after, I made new friends at this university, which back then felt like a huge relief. One day, one of them commented on me being “a bit chubby”.  I understood it was unintentional; however, fuel had already been added to the conflagration within me. I stopped eating. My family thought it was a bad habit that I was developing.  So, I would sit and eat along with them and would intentionally purge after and get sick quite often. A month later, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

I kept getting worse and worse with time. March began with some sort of a joy as I met my reasons for me deciding not to unalive myself. I felt like I had the world by my side, and then the wind changed and it blew all of it away.  I was in agony and pain. Another month later, an internship trip pushed me further down, and my mental, physical, and emotional health kept deteriorating.  I ate maybe twice a week. Lack of Nutrition resulted in my bones getting extremely weak and making noises while I moved, severe acne breaking out, my body feeling cold, and extreme hair growth to keep the body warm, but the solution to Anorexia Nervosa is not just to start or keep eating. It is a mental illness that is the deadliest, as the human body is dependent on nutrition in order to survive, and when a mental illness convinces the mind that it isn’t necessary to eat, the entire system breaks down. It is a serious condition that needs to be treated right away.

Many celebrities, including Taylor Swift, One Direction star Zayn Malik, model Bella Hadid, and HRH the late Princess Diana, suffered from some form of eating disorder in their lives.

It is a condition that isn’t understood by the majority of the Indian population and is considered a “bad habit,” including by my family. Thankfully, later my parents understood the severity of it.  It is after tons of mental health therapy sessions that I am sitting here at my desk, still longing, still covering every inch of my body with layers to hide what has been scarred.

Through my writing, I wish to spread awareness because, in the society that we live in today, we have become so competitive and driven, which is a good thing, but in the process, I urge everyone to not be insensitive, to be kind, and to help, in every sense of the word.

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